so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
