We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
