i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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