Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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