I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
