life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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