Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
