There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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