I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
