i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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