Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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