She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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