Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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