Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
