i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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