The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
