Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
