Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
