My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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