Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize