I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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