I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
