I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How external is "for external use only"?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
