I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize