i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
