Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
