Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
