matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
