my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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