barbara walters just said penis...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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