tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
