i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
