I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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