Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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