But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jerry, you need to find god
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
