I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
