omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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