We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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