I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
