My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Congratulations! We have a period
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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