So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just google imaged poop.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
