Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
