she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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