My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you never un-have a 4some
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
