On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
