i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
