i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
