Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
