Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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