you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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