it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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