I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
