it hurts more in the daytime
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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