If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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