Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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