Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
