Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
