girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
