saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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