The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
