I want to walk on stilts...naked
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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