Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
