this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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