Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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