So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
