if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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