fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
