That's intense
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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