It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
